Influenced by the movie Fifty Shades of Grey in 2015, the buzz about BDSM skyrocketed, and the term, and the act, entered the public consciousness as more and more people began to learn about this taboo and glamorous sexual lifestyle.
What comes to mind when you talk about BDSM?Bondage or wax play?Sex candles, blindfold, leather collar and ball gags, etc.......
Gosh, there really are so many different elements and styles, so in order to give you a better idea of what eros bdsm is all about, I'll go into more detail for you:
What is BDSM?
BDSM sex is a very diverse form of sex, so I'll explain it briefly here:
The four letters of BDSM are made up of several words, which are
B&D:Bondage and discipline.
D&S:Dominance and submission.
S&M:Sadism and masochism.
It is a sex term used to describe sexual behavior that involves dominance, submission, and control. This practice usually involves couples taking on different roles during sex, with one partner taking on a more dominant role and the other being more submissive.
One study found that BDSM sex is slightly more common among couples on the LGBTQ spectrum, and researchers also found that BDSM sex occurs among couples of all ages, genders, and ethnic backgrounds.
The existence of BDSM is pretty prevalent that in recent years another study has shown that over 47% of women and 60% of men have fantasized about sexually dominating a partner or being dominated.
In fact, BDSM has long been integrated into our lives.
If you have never tried this type of sex, you can start with LIGHT BDSM:
Maybe you've already committed BDSM behaviors before without realizing it yourself, such as slapping your partner's buttocks during sex and gently choking, which are considered LIGHT bdsm, in addition:
- Hair pulling
- Handcuffs
- Scarf or tie bondage
- Blindfolds
- Light spanking
- Role-playing
So what is a dominant and a submissive?
Often in a two partner relationship, when engaging in sexual BDSM play, one partner will play the dominant role and the other will play the submissive. This dominant and submissive relationship is often referred to as a top/bottom relationship. The Top is the dominant partner, and this is usually accompanied by some kind of ass slapping or choking, while the submissive partner is the one who maintains a particular state of mind according to the dominant partner's demands.
Of course, this relationship is not static and partners may change their status for various reasons or over time, a situation known as " switch".
A "switch" can be either a person or a situation that refers to a change between dominant and submissive roles, depending on the partner and the situation.
BDSM Categories:
Bondage:
There are different types of bondage, the most classic being leather bondage and Japanese bondage.
Leather bondage first originated in biker culture after World War II, with gay pimps in biker crews, and in the 1960s bondage play began to spread into heterosexual culture, and that's when today's BDSM clubs developed, and then the BDSM flag and Leather Pride Flag, which are basically featured in every year's pride parade would feature them.
BDSM Flag:
The Western bondage plays and Japanese bondage were inspired by the Japanese "shibari", a bondage technique that was first used in ancient Japan as a bondage and torture mechanism for prisoners.
And then slowly evolved into Japanese bondage, which is used by partners to increase sexual arousal and stimulate the breasts and genitals.
Basically, bondage is a sexual act in which a dominant person restricts a submissive's ability to move by tying him or her up with bondage ropes, so that both partners can have a sexually arousing, orgasmic experience.
Nowadays bondage has given rise to many new ways of playing with it as well as interesting vocabulary, including pegging, leather harness, and When I heard the term rope bunny a few years ago, I felt it was very cute.
Pegging is interesting to me, specifically when the dominant performs sexual intercourse on the submissive by wearing a strap-on dildo (generally anal sex is predominant, with vaginal penetration being less predominant). I find this style of sex to be a great experience because it is suitable for all genders. It doesn't matter if you are female, male or any other gender, you can play the role of TOP! Especially for women, this type of sex offers them a new experience where they can show off their feminine power to the fullest, and this special feeling of conquest over their partner can lead to an exceptionally exciting thrill!
Some people with penises also like to try this way of having sex. They will wear a flat chastity cage to tuck their penis away before wearing a harness dildo for sex.
Discipline:
Partners will have a "BDSM chat" before having sex, communicating the rules that the two of them have established, with the intention that the dominant partner can exert a degree of control over the submissive partner.
Dominance:
This term has a much broader meaning, not only during sex, but can also occur in everyday life, referring to showing one's authority over one's partner, such as giving orders to a submissive.For example, Pup play.
These photos were taken by our GreedyCluster team while attending the Pride Parade in Bangkok, Thailand, and the parade that day alone had a very large crowd of BDSM enthusiasts, and the photos are of a crowd that enjoys leather pup play. (Photos taken with permission)
Submission:
Refers to a partner's willingness to submit to the behavior and commands of a dominant person.
S&M(Sadism and masochism/sadomasochism):
I'm sure you'll be more familiar with this aspect, as the term S&M has been mentioned very frequently in everyday life discussions, whether it's in jokes with friends, chat topics with your partner, or sisterly gossip and social news.
The behavior consists of pleasure and orgasm between partners in the infliction of pain or the acceptance of pain, a double release both physically and mentally.
S&M has a very wide range of meanings, the most common sexual behaviors include: pain play, playing with wax, edging, wearing some sensory deprivation gears like bdsm hoods or gags, and of course last but not least there's humiliation, in fact dirty-talk is considered to be a form of humiliation.
BDSM quiz/BDSM test:
What kind of sexual deviant are you?
If you've read this far, then thank you very much for your patience, you already have a good understanding of BDSM culture. If you are a person who has not tried it yet, I would suggest not to go into it blindly, but better to take a test about BDSM personality and find out what kind of personality and status you fit in yourself.
It's very simple, all you need to do is google BDSM test and there will be plenty of pages for you to take the test. (These sites are basically accurate, but be careful to check if the site is safe)
How to BDSM?
Here's another question based on the above:
Why are so many people into BDSM?
Part of the reason is that most people find ordinary sex too boring, but the biggest reason is that social studies have shown that every adult has his or her own "BDSM attributes", just like the MBTI personality.
Everyone has their own sexual fetishes, and some people use the word "kinky" to describe them, but we shouldn't think of BDSM as something unusual, we should treat it as normal, accept our sexual fetishes openly, enjoy it, and you'll find out what's so great about it!
Many people consider BDSM sex with a partner to be a stress release. Various scientific studies have also shown that BDSM can somewhat improve people's moods and promote intimacy between partners.
So How to BDSM? Here will provide some guidance:
Consensus:The most important thing in BDSM is to agree with your partner that both consent to that sexual act in order to ensure that both people can enjoy it.
If one partner can't accept this behavior, it can make the whole process very unpleasant and even lead to injuries.
Safe words:Because some BDSM sessions are more intense and encompass a variety of situations, it's also important to use safe words during sex. If one partner feels uncomfortable in any part of the process, they can immediately say that word to stop the current behavior in time.
Step by step:You have to take everything one step at a time, no matter what it is, and the same goes for BDSM.If you have never been exposed to BDSM, you can't start playing with props like whips and chains, there is a high chance of injury, you can try to start with ass slapping and light nipple torture, having a very first lovely BDSM sex on a sex blanket. If you have never tried BDSM before, you can't start playing with props like whips and chains, there is a higher chance of injury. You can start trying with ass slapping, light nipple torture.
Understanding the Risks:After an in-depth conversation with your partner, I want you to also understand these two schools of thought: the "safe, sane and consensual" model (SSC) and the "risk-aware consensual kink" model (RACK). Those who follow the SSC model emphasize safety and insist on pre-specified "safe" activities, while others who follow the RACK model believe that the idea of "safety" is wrong because most BDSM activities are inherently risky. They emphasize that the notion of "safety" only detracts from the experience of sex and denies participants the freedom to assess risk or engage in high-risk BDSM play on their own.
I respect both points of view, everyone has a different balance of risk and comfort, so it's important to be responsible for your partner and to have both parties in agreement that explicit consent is the most important thing.
Exploring/Discussing BDSM:
There is nothing more wonderful than discussing each other's desires, sexual fetishes together with your partner.
There is nothing more wonderful than discussing each other's desires, sexual fetishes together with your partner.
Communicate with your partner about your different perspectives and acceptance of BDSM sex, and be honest with each other as you explore a perfect "page" that works best for both of you.
BDSM Sex Aftercare:
Sex aftercare is actually the most important part,cause BDSM sex often involves spanking and bondage, it's inevitable that there will be bruises and marks on the body, after an intense sexual intercourse, give your exhausted partner a warm hug, serve each other a glass of water, clean up each other's body or perform some calm activities, and then discuss together which moves of the lovemaking process were comfortable and which were not,and how each other felt. This kind of communication and care after sex can greatly enhance the relationship between you and your partner and protect your physical and mental health.
Why do we need Sex Aftercare?
There is a scientific basis for this. When a person is having sex, oxytocin (also known as the love hormone) and dopamine are released. So it will make the process very enjoyable for us! It's all when these chemicals are gone, Sex aftercare plays a very important role! It helps you to regulate your mood and avoid postcoital dysphoria (PCD), also known as "post-sex blues". For example, I myself am a person with severe separation anxiety. If my partner puts on his clothes after sex and then goes off to do his own thing, I would be very upset and anxious because the sudden jump from an extremely intimate relationship to a quiet, lonely, alone one would have a big impact on my mood.
In a 2015 study, 46% of women surveyed reported feeling sad after sex at some point in their lives, and not only that, but a 2019 study in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy showed that 41% of men have owned a similar situation.
So please be sure to take care of your partner after you have sex:)
These are some of the guidelines I have given for BDSM beginners, if you have read this far, I sincerely thank you and hope that this information will be helpful to you!
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